We finally found a family doctor accepting new patients. I'm really hoping we like her. The twins get their four month checkup, and I (hopefully) get a note saying I am "physically and psychologically capable of working with children." ("Hopefully" because they might not do it this appointment, and instead make another appointment for a full physical, only delaying my job start date.) Oh, I forgot to mention; I had an interview on Thursday for a job at North Shore Neighborhood House for a daycare position. All went well and they had me do up the paperwork. I only need to supply them with three references and the doctors note and I'm on my way.
I had a slight breakdown the other day when I realized I'd be working. It was kind of out of the blue. I don't want to be away from Spark and Silas. I'm going to miss a lot of them growing up. A job isn't just a job, it's getting the right amount of sleep, getting ready for work in the morning, winding down after work at night. An 8 hour day is more like 20 hours because of all that (commute included...). It's going to be really stressful, and I'll only see the twins for an hour or two each day. I'm going to miss them so much. If I don't work though, we don't have enough money. I have to keep reminding myself that even though I'm not physically there with them, I'm still "there for them" in providing a better life for them. I never thought it would be this hard.
I'll try to think of happier things. Like the fact that Value Village is having a 50% off sale tomorrow. I'm going in to buy a whole bunch of sweaters to up-cycle into new sweaters. It is kind of a patchwork project. It's going to be a lot of fun! I have some cool ideas floating around in my brain, so we'll see how they work out. (Or if I'll even get any time to work on them!)
Also, I found this blog. I haven't read much of it, but I happened by it just now, looking up "upcycling" in Google. It wasn't a link in my Google search, but was a link within a link. It looks interesting. :)
The twins are both asleep now, so I'm going to design some sweaters!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Parenting
This might be somewhat of a rant post. I'll try not to let it get too intense.
Babies cry for a reason. If you've "tried everything" then your baby wouldn't be crying. If you've tried everything, then start over. Try everything again. Unfortunately, because a baby can't tell you what's wrong, you have to figure it out yourself. Yes, this results in lack of sleep. Yes, this results in frustration. Yes, at times, this will make you angry. That's the thing about being a parent though; you can never quit. You can never give up because you are tired, or frustrated, or angry. You can take a time out, but you can never, ever quit. That baby needs you, and if you're too tired, it's too damn bad. You have to put yourself second from the minute that baby is conceived. You have to eat right, you have to take care of yourself (or your partner), and when it is born, most of that goes out the window. Now, it's baby time. If you are not completely, 100% devoted to that baby, it is going to suffer. If your baby has to cry itself to sleep, let it be in your arms. At least you'll know you did not give up and let them be alone in their sadness.
Imagine something making you so sad that all you can do is cry uncontrollably. Most people would not want to go through that alone. Even if there's nothing the other person can do, at least they are there for you.
Me? I would never just let my baby cry; least of all because I just "don't want to deal with them." Yes, it's been so bad that I cried too. I cried because I didn't know what to do. I cried because they needed me. I cried because I couldn't hold both of them at the same time. I cried because I didn't know who to love first. I cried, then did what I could, starting from the beginning. I made them bottles and fed them at the same time if I had to, bent over from tiredness, putting something on the TV so it would keep me awake. It was not easy. I never expected it to be easy. If I expected it to be easy, I'm afraid I would have let them cry, and leaving my child alone and sad when there's something I can do, even if that thing is just being there, is the one thing I will never do.
To all those prospective parents: Please, for the sake of your future children, think about them first. If you think you want children, ask to take care of a friend's baby. Not for an hour, not for an afternoon, but for at least 24 hours - the longer, the better. Make sure it's during a really fussy stage, and when they're relatively new. Imitate the parents as much as possible. If the mother is pumping breast milk, set aside time for that, and realize you can't do anything but pump in that time. If one of you will be alone with the baby for a time during the day, can you handle it? Can you handle a crying baby, while you're going to get a bottle ready, then realize there are none clean, and have to make formula on top of it? Chances are you'll come away from that experience with a clear idea in your mind of whether or not you're ready to be a parent. If you are - if you come away from that experience sleep-deprived, in desperate need of a shower, ready to cry, but that baby is taken care of and happy - your child will be so much happier because of it. If you aren't ready, it doesn't mean you will never be. Give it some time, and come back to it. Least of all, being a parent shouldn't be forced. If it is, everyone suffers.
I'm tired now, and babies are asleep, so I'll end there.
Goodnight dear Void.
Babies cry for a reason. If you've "tried everything" then your baby wouldn't be crying. If you've tried everything, then start over. Try everything again. Unfortunately, because a baby can't tell you what's wrong, you have to figure it out yourself. Yes, this results in lack of sleep. Yes, this results in frustration. Yes, at times, this will make you angry. That's the thing about being a parent though; you can never quit. You can never give up because you are tired, or frustrated, or angry. You can take a time out, but you can never, ever quit. That baby needs you, and if you're too tired, it's too damn bad. You have to put yourself second from the minute that baby is conceived. You have to eat right, you have to take care of yourself (or your partner), and when it is born, most of that goes out the window. Now, it's baby time. If you are not completely, 100% devoted to that baby, it is going to suffer. If your baby has to cry itself to sleep, let it be in your arms. At least you'll know you did not give up and let them be alone in their sadness.
Imagine something making you so sad that all you can do is cry uncontrollably. Most people would not want to go through that alone. Even if there's nothing the other person can do, at least they are there for you.
Me? I would never just let my baby cry; least of all because I just "don't want to deal with them." Yes, it's been so bad that I cried too. I cried because I didn't know what to do. I cried because they needed me. I cried because I couldn't hold both of them at the same time. I cried because I didn't know who to love first. I cried, then did what I could, starting from the beginning. I made them bottles and fed them at the same time if I had to, bent over from tiredness, putting something on the TV so it would keep me awake. It was not easy. I never expected it to be easy. If I expected it to be easy, I'm afraid I would have let them cry, and leaving my child alone and sad when there's something I can do, even if that thing is just being there, is the one thing I will never do.
To all those prospective parents: Please, for the sake of your future children, think about them first. If you think you want children, ask to take care of a friend's baby. Not for an hour, not for an afternoon, but for at least 24 hours - the longer, the better. Make sure it's during a really fussy stage, and when they're relatively new. Imitate the parents as much as possible. If the mother is pumping breast milk, set aside time for that, and realize you can't do anything but pump in that time. If one of you will be alone with the baby for a time during the day, can you handle it? Can you handle a crying baby, while you're going to get a bottle ready, then realize there are none clean, and have to make formula on top of it? Chances are you'll come away from that experience with a clear idea in your mind of whether or not you're ready to be a parent. If you are - if you come away from that experience sleep-deprived, in desperate need of a shower, ready to cry, but that baby is taken care of and happy - your child will be so much happier because of it. If you aren't ready, it doesn't mean you will never be. Give it some time, and come back to it. Least of all, being a parent shouldn't be forced. If it is, everyone suffers.
I'm tired now, and babies are asleep, so I'll end there.
Goodnight dear Void.
4 months old.
... and a couple hours. I just put Silas in a 6-9 month shirt! He looks handsome. It's a short-sleeved button-up shirt. My little man...
It actually does seem like 4 months have passed since I had them. Twins are a lot of work. Had I had triplets we would have seriously looked for more help - volunteers, and the like - to get us through. As it was, I sacrificed a lot of sleep and sanity to make it through those first couple months. It's completely worth it.
I was commenting to Robb that I do not feel like a mom yet. I'll probably feel like a mom when they are able to communicate more, interact more; probably around the time they start walking and talking. Then it'll hit me one day when I'm not expecting it and I'll cry. These little beings depend on me to make it work. Not just me, but Robb as well. (But I'll let him blog about his own experience.) Whatever Robb can't fix, I have to be able to. Those bad days when nothing goes right, that's mom territory right there. I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to it a lot. I love my babies, but I can't wait until they are able to play and communicate and walk. We are going to have the best days!
Things the twins are working towards:
Crawling - they can raise themselves up on their arms, get their legs under them, but not move much.
Sounds - they are making more sounds every day. Spark says "mmmmmmmmmuuhh" when she's hungry, and "mmmuh mmmuh" when she's in pain from a gas bubble or something. Silas does not yet make any distinguishable sounds as far as I can tell.
Movement - Silas will reach out for us when he's lonely or sad. Spark does it a bit too, but not as much - I think only because she seems to be a lot more independent.
Watching them grow is so exciting! :)
Friday, August 20, 2010
A mom worries.
Babies develop at different rates. I know this. I've told this to many people, and it is so very true. I never understood how other moms of twins got so worried if their twins weren't developing at close to the same rate. Now I do.
It's not even a huge discrepancy. Spark has been able to grab things for a while now. She knows how to grab her toys, how to hold on to them; she likes being on her belly and can push herself up some on her arms. Heck, another couple weeks and she'll nearly be crawling.
Silas likes his toys but isn't too grabby yet. I'll put something in his hand and he'll hold on to it for a little bit, but it'll fall out. I'll put him in his chair with the toys hanging down in front of him. Because his only action these days is to jam his fists into his mouth, I think he's only grabbing the toys by accident while his hand is on it's way to Drool City. He also hates being on his stomach, so any progress towards crawling is near zero. I did get him to not freak out for a bit today while he was on his stomach, by sitting in front of him calling his name, talking to him, etc. But after about a minute he just didn't care anymore and wanted off.
They're both happy little ones. Spark is eating normally. Silas's eating habits are a bit erratic. He'll eat, and then be hungry still, so we'll give him more to eat, then he'll proceed to spit up anywhere from 1-15 mls... sometimes more. The only time I know he won't spit up after eating is if he falls asleep during eating and I put him to bed. I don't know what's wrong really, he's been on the same formula since he was 2 weeks old. The only thing that's changed is the water - Coquitlam water is soft, Calgary water is hard. We still boil it before we make formula, so the actual water shouldn't be enough of a difference to make him this sick. Also, it started about 10 days after moving here, so had the change been water or surroundings related, it most likely would have manifested a lot earlier. He just seems crankier than usual as well. I'm putting my money on reflux. I know it, I've had it, it sucks big time for stomach cramps (which is why he probably doesn't like being on his stomach) and would be why he's spitting up more.
We're calling a family doctor tomorrow. They're only a few blocks away, and we found them online saying they were accepting new patients, so here's hoping! The doctor listed as accepting new patients has recently graduated from UBC, which I think is good. I like the new, fresh-minded doctors sometimes. We'll see how it goes. (I'm officially reminding myself to ask them about something to ease Silas's stomach.)
For now, babies are asleep and I am going to follow suit.
Goodnight dear Void.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
September 3rd, 2009
"Well, it looks like this is it. I might be pregnant. AAAAAAHHHH. I just took a pregnancy test and showed Robb and Isaac. I can't believe it. I don't know what to do. Vinny's moving in today but I don't want anyone else to know yet. I had to wrap up the test in a page of an old magazine and hide it in the garbage. I didn't even take a picture. Way too much going on today! I called the doctor and made an appointment for the 7th. I feel like screaming but I can't! Here's hoping the little one is healthy. I feel so excited, and I guess this explains why I've been sleeping so much!"
This is, to the best of my recollection, how I felt that day. Little did I know there were two little beans in there, which was why I was extremely tired. I had been sleeping nearly 20 hours a day!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Tout Doucement
When I was little, and first heard this song, I knew maybe 10 words of the French language. My little brain wanted to understand why she was saying "To do, to do, to do some more" and the rest of the song was in French. I apparently didn't have the deductive reasoning skills enough to realize that what I was hearing was actually French.
I love playing with words. The title of this blog, "Two Deux Some More", is a few things. First of all, it is Two, and Deux, because of Spark and Silvanus. As this is mostly a twin blog, I felt a play on the number two appropriate. Second it is a look back to my childhood, just how innocent it all seemed, and how much we thought we knew. Finally, it is a tribute to a song that has always been in the back of my mind. It's English lyrics are a little confusing, but the point gets across - go slowly, love simply, take care of the little ones; all things I look forward to doing.
All slow, all slow, all slowly
Always, all slow, all slowly
This way
Life is amazing.
All slow, all slow, all slowly
Always, all slow, all slowly
This way
Life, I understand it.
Never go too fast
You got all the time you need
Beware of the dynamite
Take care of volcanoes
Of those young nervous ones
Who don't know how to go
All slow, all slow, all slowly
Always, all slow, all slowly
This way
Strolling prettily
Never go too fast
Loving simply
To get success
Be very very cautious
Love will then come
And snuggle up in your arms
All slow, all slow, all slowly
Always, all slow, all slowly
This way
Strolling prettily
Smiling prettily
Strolling prettily
All slowly
I love playing with words. The title of this blog, "Two Deux Some More", is a few things. First of all, it is Two, and Deux, because of Spark and Silvanus. As this is mostly a twin blog, I felt a play on the number two appropriate. Second it is a look back to my childhood, just how innocent it all seemed, and how much we thought we knew. Finally, it is a tribute to a song that has always been in the back of my mind. It's English lyrics are a little confusing, but the point gets across - go slowly, love simply, take care of the little ones; all things I look forward to doing.
All slow, all slow, all slowly
Always, all slow, all slowly
This way
Life is amazing.
All slow, all slow, all slowly
Always, all slow, all slowly
This way
Life, I understand it.
Never go too fast
You got all the time you need
Beware of the dynamite
Take care of volcanoes
Of those young nervous ones
Who don't know how to go
All slow, all slow, all slowly
Always, all slow, all slowly
This way
Strolling prettily
Never go too fast
Loving simply
To get success
Be very very cautious
Love will then come
And snuggle up in your arms
All slow, all slow, all slowly
Always, all slow, all slowly
This way
Strolling prettily
Smiling prettily
Strolling prettily
All slowly
A sprout... a beginning.
I chose the sprout background for a few reasons. This blog is new, and is a beginning of sorts. I've always wanted to blog, and now I have two little sprouts to blog about. Also, I think it is simple, and pretty.
This blog should have been started about ten months ago when I first found out I was pregnant with twins. (For reasons I that will become apparent later on, blogging during pregnancy was almost the last thing on my mind.) So much has happened in that time, I feel like it's been years.
Nevertheless I've started it now.
I have a concept of what I want this blog to be. It will mostly be about our life with twins, (that is, Robb and I) and what the twins are up to; but I also want to post retroactively, as I look back on being pregnant and everything I experienced then. It's been quite the adventure up until now, and I can only imagine the things we'll get into in the years to come!
This blog should have been started about ten months ago when I first found out I was pregnant with twins. (For reasons I that will become apparent later on, blogging during pregnancy was almost the last thing on my mind.) So much has happened in that time, I feel like it's been years.
Nevertheless I've started it now.
I have a concept of what I want this blog to be. It will mostly be about our life with twins, (that is, Robb and I) and what the twins are up to; but I also want to post retroactively, as I look back on being pregnant and everything I experienced then. It's been quite the adventure up until now, and I can only imagine the things we'll get into in the years to come!
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