I've never been one to have nightmares, so I'm not sure why they are happening now. I had one the night before last, and one last night. I'm not going to classify them as one being worse than the other, because they were both pretty terrible on their own levels. I woke up today in a bad mindset that, even hours later, is still lingering in the back of my head.
What causes nightmares? My life is pretty good. I love my family and have no real worries. Money's a little tight, but I'm able to go back to school and am so grateful. I don't understand why my mind would produce these horrible dreams.
This post is short. I'm at a loss for words, I suppose, and a darkness still lingers.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The Holidays
Today is December 23rd, and as a Christmas Eve Eve present the twins get vaccinations. Lovely! Poor babies. The only consolation is that they might sleep pretty well tonight because of them. I am hoping Silas does not get the fever her got last time. It was quite worrying.
We have been furiously cleaning the apartment in anticipation of company over the next couple of days. Mom, Tom, and Isaac are on their way as I speak, and should be here in about 5 hours. We are so excited. I'm glad the twins will be able to see their family. I'm glad we'll be able to see them too, and play games, and eat good food and have fun. I might lock them in the closet so they can't leave.
We bought a steam vacuum. Unfortunately, Temu has never learned not to pee wherever he sees fit. He's "not all there" as is said... and no amount of training has ever taught him not to pee on the carpet. He does use the litter box, he's just a dumb cat. :/ (The real problem is, someone here before us had a dog/cat/animal who peed everywhere, Temu smells it, tries to cover it up...) So anyway, we're paying for it. Hopefully our next place will have laminate and we can clean it up right when he does it. It frustrates me to no end, and if there were someone gracious enough to take him, I'd hand him over. It makes me sad, because he's not my cat, he's Robb's, and I know Robb loves him despite his flaws. I also know that... well, it's just gross, and unsanitary, and smells bad, and so forth. Some people have asked me if he'd do OK outside on a farm, but he's such a dumb cat he'd probably use up his 9 lives THAT DAY. Anyway... I can bitch and moan but it's not going to make the problem go away.
I should get back to cleaning. I just felt compelled to write and too often I ignore that feeling. Robb accidentally knocked over the tree earlier, (we're moving everything around so we can steam vacuum) so I'm going to go put the decorations back on and make it look pretty again.
Ta-Ta for now :)
We have been furiously cleaning the apartment in anticipation of company over the next couple of days. Mom, Tom, and Isaac are on their way as I speak, and should be here in about 5 hours. We are so excited. I'm glad the twins will be able to see their family. I'm glad we'll be able to see them too, and play games, and eat good food and have fun. I might lock them in the closet so they can't leave.
We bought a steam vacuum. Unfortunately, Temu has never learned not to pee wherever he sees fit. He's "not all there" as is said... and no amount of training has ever taught him not to pee on the carpet. He does use the litter box, he's just a dumb cat. :/ (The real problem is, someone here before us had a dog/cat/animal who peed everywhere, Temu smells it, tries to cover it up...) So anyway, we're paying for it. Hopefully our next place will have laminate and we can clean it up right when he does it. It frustrates me to no end, and if there were someone gracious enough to take him, I'd hand him over. It makes me sad, because he's not my cat, he's Robb's, and I know Robb loves him despite his flaws. I also know that... well, it's just gross, and unsanitary, and smells bad, and so forth. Some people have asked me if he'd do OK outside on a farm, but he's such a dumb cat he'd probably use up his 9 lives THAT DAY. Anyway... I can bitch and moan but it's not going to make the problem go away.
I should get back to cleaning. I just felt compelled to write and too often I ignore that feeling. Robb accidentally knocked over the tree earlier, (we're moving everything around so we can steam vacuum) so I'm going to go put the decorations back on and make it look pretty again.
Ta-Ta for now :)
Monday, December 20, 2010
8 months
The twins were born nearly 8 months ago. What a journey it has been so far.
In the past month, Silas has reached a few substantial milestones. He has succeeded at: reaching for wanting to be picked up, getting up on his hands and knees, sitting up on his own, and getting to a sitting position from being on his stomach. He learns so quickly, once he has a mind to.
Spark has learned to crawl already. She's not as all-over-the-place as I thought she would be though. As long as she has some toys around her, she pretty much stays in the same area. Every now and again though, much to my dismay, I see her break free and go after something (usually cords, sometimes a chair.)
Robb and I are more career minded these days. I am looking into 3D Animation and Design, and Robb is looking into Programming. Unfortunately, school is expensive, so we'll plummet more into debt before we can get out of it. I'm trying to be optimistic these days, but it's proving hard. I was excited to have a job, and my depression sank in more when my hip acted up again and I lost the ability to work. Now Robb is looking for part time work, and I feel bad. He tells me not to, and there's no reason I should. (He doesn't mind working.) I know this, for I am a rational person, but unfortunately depression overrides rational thinking - at least in my case. It's so hard to get out of a depressive mindset, and when you feel like a failure, even harder.
In the meantime, I spend every second looking after - and having fun with - the twins. Every day they get easier to look after, and every day they develop a little more. I'm anxiously awaiting the day they will be able to walk to the park with me, or even walk to the car on their own. It will make going out so much easier. We are also working on signing with them more. They know the sign for "tickle", and they lift up their arms if they want to be picked up - which isn't an ASL sign, but we still consider it signing.
I am hoping that a year from now I will be in a better place, both physically and mentally. I am looking forward to VCON next year, and am working on some art to sell at the art auction. That being said, I think I am going to go work on it, as I just put Silas down to bed.
Goodnight Dear Void.
In the past month, Silas has reached a few substantial milestones. He has succeeded at: reaching for wanting to be picked up, getting up on his hands and knees, sitting up on his own, and getting to a sitting position from being on his stomach. He learns so quickly, once he has a mind to.
Spark has learned to crawl already. She's not as all-over-the-place as I thought she would be though. As long as she has some toys around her, she pretty much stays in the same area. Every now and again though, much to my dismay, I see her break free and go after something (usually cords, sometimes a chair.)
Robb and I are more career minded these days. I am looking into 3D Animation and Design, and Robb is looking into Programming. Unfortunately, school is expensive, so we'll plummet more into debt before we can get out of it. I'm trying to be optimistic these days, but it's proving hard. I was excited to have a job, and my depression sank in more when my hip acted up again and I lost the ability to work. Now Robb is looking for part time work, and I feel bad. He tells me not to, and there's no reason I should. (He doesn't mind working.) I know this, for I am a rational person, but unfortunately depression overrides rational thinking - at least in my case. It's so hard to get out of a depressive mindset, and when you feel like a failure, even harder.
In the meantime, I spend every second looking after - and having fun with - the twins. Every day they get easier to look after, and every day they develop a little more. I'm anxiously awaiting the day they will be able to walk to the park with me, or even walk to the car on their own. It will make going out so much easier. We are also working on signing with them more. They know the sign for "tickle", and they lift up their arms if they want to be picked up - which isn't an ASL sign, but we still consider it signing.
I am hoping that a year from now I will be in a better place, both physically and mentally. I am looking forward to VCON next year, and am working on some art to sell at the art auction. That being said, I think I am going to go work on it, as I just put Silas down to bed.
Goodnight Dear Void.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
3 weeks
Three weeks ago I had a job. I was really excited, because the company was exciting. I had opportunities at every turn, from advancement, to online courses I could take for free. The job was simple, the people friendly.
Unfortunately, my bursitis came back. For those who don't know, 2 years ago I had crippling bursitis in my hip. I had to quit my job, and was more-or-less confined to my bed, or the couch. I had good days that allowed me to go out, but working was out of the question. Apparently, working is still out of the question. That is to say, any work that requires me to stand for long periods of time. I'm quite angry about this, as Robb and I both were looking forward to paying off some bills this month. Now, every day, I'm on craigslist looking for jobs I can do to earn a little extra cash. We're hoping our tax rebate comes soon.
Three weeks from now will nearly be the start of a new year. Isaac's birthday is on the 31st, mine two weeks later. Christmas is soon, and Mom, Tom and Isaac will be over to celebrate the twins' first Christmas with us. We seriously need to clean this place up before then! Most of it is boxes that we've emptied, or formula boxes. Luckily we have recycling bins just by our garbage bin so it's easy to dispose of.
In other news, Robb and I have been thinking of starting a blog for our journey "into the wild" so-to-speak. Our dream is to own a small bit of land a build a house on it. Not a conventional house by any means. Probably a yurt at first, or permanently. We've not decided yet. We're also looking into living sustainably, and have found many great resources online, including ways to use your own waste to fertilize your garden. We've also found ways to reuse our grey water. All in all, I think it's going to be a fun adventure! Look forward to our blog in the near future.
Spark's getting fussy so I'd better wrap up for today.
Unfortunately, my bursitis came back. For those who don't know, 2 years ago I had crippling bursitis in my hip. I had to quit my job, and was more-or-less confined to my bed, or the couch. I had good days that allowed me to go out, but working was out of the question. Apparently, working is still out of the question. That is to say, any work that requires me to stand for long periods of time. I'm quite angry about this, as Robb and I both were looking forward to paying off some bills this month. Now, every day, I'm on craigslist looking for jobs I can do to earn a little extra cash. We're hoping our tax rebate comes soon.
Three weeks from now will nearly be the start of a new year. Isaac's birthday is on the 31st, mine two weeks later. Christmas is soon, and Mom, Tom and Isaac will be over to celebrate the twins' first Christmas with us. We seriously need to clean this place up before then! Most of it is boxes that we've emptied, or formula boxes. Luckily we have recycling bins just by our garbage bin so it's easy to dispose of.
In other news, Robb and I have been thinking of starting a blog for our journey "into the wild" so-to-speak. Our dream is to own a small bit of land a build a house on it. Not a conventional house by any means. Probably a yurt at first, or permanently. We've not decided yet. We're also looking into living sustainably, and have found many great resources online, including ways to use your own waste to fertilize your garden. We've also found ways to reuse our grey water. All in all, I think it's going to be a fun adventure! Look forward to our blog in the near future.
Spark's getting fussy so I'd better wrap up for today.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
How things go...
I'm finding the new job pretty easy. There's a lot to remember, especially PLU codes for produce, but overall it seems to be pretty straight forward. We got to practice with produce which I think was the most fun. We went to the produce section and loaded up a basket, then rung them all through. Then, for the first time today, we actually had customers. It was pretty easy, but I'm apprehensive about being on my own! For some reason, I hate asking for help because I feel stupid. At my first job, when I was fifteen, I was put on a till on my first shift in the middle of a very busy rush hour without any training or anything. I ended up voiding transactions for the first hour or two just because I didn't know how to tender them, and it was too hectic to ask anyone. So basically, I'd cost the company a few hundred dollars because I wasn't trained. We've had a lot of training at this job, but I'm still apprehensive about asking for help I am going to need, or looking like I don't know what I'm doing if I get stuck. I just want things to go smoothly, and it will eventually I guess.
The twins got their 6 months shots finally. They've been having a rough day, and had a rough night last night. today is a lot better though.
It smells like someone is making a lemon cake somewhere in the building. Maybe it's just my imagination.
So, we're getting a good rebate from the government. Robb finally had time to do the taxes today. We were both behind a few years. If we get the rebate it looks like we're going to get, we can finally move out, and maybe even start our business. I'm really excited. We are also looking into housing assistance, as we made well below the required amount this year with Robb being on parental leave and me not working much. We'd like to see if Robb can find work first so we can (hopefully) move closer to where that may be. We're both hoping it will be on the island, as that's where we'd like to live and buy our land.
This post is already three days old, as I can't seem to find the time to write these days. Right now the babies are watching Pocoyo, Baby Boy is chewing on a blanket and Baby Girl is sucking her thumb. I work later today, so I should do the laundry, but my mind is on other things like non-profits and orphaned children. (www.sanctuaryforkids.org)
Kim
The twins got their 6 months shots finally. They've been having a rough day, and had a rough night last night. today is a lot better though.
It smells like someone is making a lemon cake somewhere in the building. Maybe it's just my imagination.
So, we're getting a good rebate from the government. Robb finally had time to do the taxes today. We were both behind a few years. If we get the rebate it looks like we're going to get, we can finally move out, and maybe even start our business. I'm really excited. We are also looking into housing assistance, as we made well below the required amount this year with Robb being on parental leave and me not working much. We'd like to see if Robb can find work first so we can (hopefully) move closer to where that may be. We're both hoping it will be on the island, as that's where we'd like to live and buy our land.
This post is already three days old, as I can't seem to find the time to write these days. Right now the babies are watching Pocoyo, Baby Boy is chewing on a blanket and Baby Girl is sucking her thumb. I work later today, so I should do the laundry, but my mind is on other things like non-profits and orphaned children. (www.sanctuaryforkids.org)
Kim
Monday, November 15, 2010
An interesting turn of events
So, we are kind of sick of where we live. I'm sure I've mentioned this to some of you. It was great starting out, but definitely not somewhere we'd like to permanently set up camp. (That is, this apartment, not the area.) That being said though, we are thinking of moving somewhere more rural... maybe the Sunshine Coast, or on the Island somewhere. It'll be hard to find work at first, but the rent would be cheaper and small towns amuse me. Robb's applied for a job in Victoria doing something he would have fun doing, and pays very well. I'm hoping it goes through, but the job posting doesn't end until January so we probably won't know until February. Send out good thoughts, everyone!
In other news, our car got broken into a few days ago. Okay, broken into is not the best description. More like, we forgot to lock it and someone decided to take advantage of that. They took a few CD's, one (not both) of the USB drives that were in there, and - for some strange reason - the car manual. There were things left that could have sold for a lot, so we're guessing this was just someone who saw an opportunity and jumped on it, not really having done it before. We're baffled about the car manual. Oh, and the hood was popped too, but nothing was missing. We checked the brakes and they were fine....
Also, I have a new job already. I'm pretty glad I got hired. It's cashiering at PriceSmart Foods. The guy that hired me said he couldn't guarantee me hours, and that I'd get about 4-8 hours a week, but then mentioned that they hired someone a week earlier who was getting 32 hours a week. The key is being available to come in with little notice. I shouldn't have a problem with that. Training is this week.
Anyway, I should shower and then we're going out. Value Village is having 50% off again today!
In other news, our car got broken into a few days ago. Okay, broken into is not the best description. More like, we forgot to lock it and someone decided to take advantage of that. They took a few CD's, one (not both) of the USB drives that were in there, and - for some strange reason - the car manual. There were things left that could have sold for a lot, so we're guessing this was just someone who saw an opportunity and jumped on it, not really having done it before. We're baffled about the car manual. Oh, and the hood was popped too, but nothing was missing. We checked the brakes and they were fine....
Also, I have a new job already. I'm pretty glad I got hired. It's cashiering at PriceSmart Foods. The guy that hired me said he couldn't guarantee me hours, and that I'd get about 4-8 hours a week, but then mentioned that they hired someone a week earlier who was getting 32 hours a week. The key is being available to come in with little notice. I shouldn't have a problem with that. Training is this week.
Anyway, I should shower and then we're going out. Value Village is having 50% off again today!
Friday, November 5, 2010
A long absence
I apologize for my lengthy delay. I have no excuse other than I nearly completely forgot about this blog. Strange, though understandable. I've had a lot on my mind lately, and if you like, I shall indulge you.
I can't remember if I'd mentioned it on here previously, but I had taken up work in a daycare position. It was difficult at first, but over the past couple weeks I thought I was getting a hang of it. The kids were listening more, I was getting the hang of how things worked and what needed to be done every day. Basically, what I'm saying is, I had no indication anything was going poorly; certainly not poorly enough to be let go. I had my three-week review, in which there were a few areas I could have improved. I didn't know if I hadn't mastered these areas in the next couple weeks I'd be fired. I did work on these areas over the next three weeks, and was not told I needed to improve or work harder in the areas mentioned, so it came as complete surprise that they thought I was incapable of doing my job.
I was told late in the afternoon on Wednesday that I had my six-week review the next day. I was slightly peeved, as this was less than 24 hours notice (I would have expected at least a couple days notice) - was the expectation I had nothing planned, or didn't have a family, so that I could put my life on hold at a moments notice? It so happened I did have a dental appointment that I was not expected to be out of until at least 12, my review being at 12:30. I knew there was no way I would make it for 12:30, what with traffic and a 30 minute commute from the dentist's office already. I told my supervisor I would do my best to be there on time, but with the short notice, I couldn't guarantee anything. Had I been given sufficient notice, I might have been able to postpone my dental appointment, but this was not the case.
I went to my appointment, and was not out of the office until 12:17. I was worried, and stressed. I was going to be late to my review through no fault of my own, and I knew my lateness was going to get special mention. I was also angry because I knew they would place the blame squarely on me. And, sure enough, the first comment I get before I've even had a seat? "Time's really sensitive for us," she said curtly without looking at me. She shuffled her papers a bit as I sat down in shock. "... we'll just get started. We've decided to pass you on your probation. We don't think you're the right fit." I wait half a second before asking, "Could you be more specific?"
Their reasons were many, none of which I believe were fair at all. First of all, had I known anything was the matter I would have tried to fix it right away. One of the reasons they gave was that I was was not assertive enough with the kids. I thought, maybe I could have improved, but I didn't know how. When one of the kids was acting out, I would kneel down, look them in the eyes, and tell them why they shouldn't be doing what they were doing. For instance, we don't throw wood-chips because it might hurt a friend, or we don't climb on furniture because we might fall and hurt ourselves. Aside from restraining them, what else could I have done? Another reason they gave was that I didn't seem to take initiative, or do things on my own. I don't know where that came from either. On many occasions I was the only one making snack or cleaning up snack or cleaning up toys, or staying late because one or two kid's parents were late. We all did it, we all shared responsibility. One other thing they said that I was fuming over was that I don't engage the children in activities. I'm wondering if they weren't just making these things up as they went along. My supervisor was rarely around to supervise, so how could he have seen me do any of these things? I actually stopped her in the middle of her list after she said that I wasn't engaging the children. "Now, I know that's not right." I said. I was told to be quiet until she was finished. I just wanted to scream - as far as I understood, no one in that room was my supervisor anymore and had no right to tell me what to do. I was so distressed when they were finished I just broke down. It was completely unfair. I helped the children in many activities. I played table hockey with them, I did crafts with them, beaded art, I taught them how to finger knit, I played tag with them outside. I still cannot believe that they were using that as an excuse for me not to work there anymore. I can admit freely that it's possible I needed to work on other areas, but not to the point that I was neglecting my duties. The children were always safe in my care and never got away with anything (Another reason they said I was "not a right fit" - the children thought they could get away with more while I was around. I think this was incorrectly observed. I know I didn't exactly catch the children the MOMENT they acted out, but when you're left in a room of 12-16 kids alone, you're bound to miss something.) I also mentioned that I had only found out about the meeting the day before. I was told "It was planned on Monday." "Okay..." "And you found out about it on Wednesday." "Yeah." I waited for her to explain, but apparently I wasn't getting an explanation. She had nothing to say on the matter, as if it was not important, and continued on with, well, leaving. I was furious, but what could I do? Nothing I said would matter, apparently.
As I said before, I had no indication anything was amiss. I felt alienated at my work, and on more than one occasion decisions were made without my knowledge. As you can imagine, this didn't turn out well when I had no idea what was going on but was expected to. Because it is often hectic in that environment, I couldn't always just pull someone aside and ask them questions. Not to mention the fact that two of the four staff - the two staff I was with 98% of the time - were not to be left alone with the kids because they were supportive staff and had to tend to their own kids. So if I was outside with the kids, and one had to go inside to use the washroom, it was too bad. I couldn't go in with them, and I couldn't send them in alone. I also couldn't send them in if one of the supportive staff were in there because they couldn't look after anyone but their one child. What was I to do? I was so frustrated, and I had planned to bring this all up at our staff meeting, but it turned out to be nothing more than doing paperwork any one person could have done in an afternoon. Time ran out, and I had to do the walk.
I think the main thing that bugs me is that I had absolutely no idea I needed to improve. Everyone can improve at their job, but if you're new, and have no training, how can you be expected to know everything right away? And master it, no less? Especially when you're not being told you could improve?
Needless to say, I've been losing sleep over this ordeal. I'll be out looking for work today. They offered me a subbing position, but considering the circumstances I don't think I'll be working for that company again any time soon.
The worst thing of all is I'll really miss the kids.
I can't remember if I'd mentioned it on here previously, but I had taken up work in a daycare position. It was difficult at first, but over the past couple weeks I thought I was getting a hang of it. The kids were listening more, I was getting the hang of how things worked and what needed to be done every day. Basically, what I'm saying is, I had no indication anything was going poorly; certainly not poorly enough to be let go. I had my three-week review, in which there were a few areas I could have improved. I didn't know if I hadn't mastered these areas in the next couple weeks I'd be fired. I did work on these areas over the next three weeks, and was not told I needed to improve or work harder in the areas mentioned, so it came as complete surprise that they thought I was incapable of doing my job.
I was told late in the afternoon on Wednesday that I had my six-week review the next day. I was slightly peeved, as this was less than 24 hours notice (I would have expected at least a couple days notice) - was the expectation I had nothing planned, or didn't have a family, so that I could put my life on hold at a moments notice? It so happened I did have a dental appointment that I was not expected to be out of until at least 12, my review being at 12:30. I knew there was no way I would make it for 12:30, what with traffic and a 30 minute commute from the dentist's office already. I told my supervisor I would do my best to be there on time, but with the short notice, I couldn't guarantee anything. Had I been given sufficient notice, I might have been able to postpone my dental appointment, but this was not the case.
I went to my appointment, and was not out of the office until 12:17. I was worried, and stressed. I was going to be late to my review through no fault of my own, and I knew my lateness was going to get special mention. I was also angry because I knew they would place the blame squarely on me. And, sure enough, the first comment I get before I've even had a seat? "Time's really sensitive for us," she said curtly without looking at me. She shuffled her papers a bit as I sat down in shock. "... we'll just get started. We've decided to pass you on your probation. We don't think you're the right fit." I wait half a second before asking, "Could you be more specific?"
Their reasons were many, none of which I believe were fair at all. First of all, had I known anything was the matter I would have tried to fix it right away. One of the reasons they gave was that I was was not assertive enough with the kids. I thought, maybe I could have improved, but I didn't know how. When one of the kids was acting out, I would kneel down, look them in the eyes, and tell them why they shouldn't be doing what they were doing. For instance, we don't throw wood-chips because it might hurt a friend, or we don't climb on furniture because we might fall and hurt ourselves. Aside from restraining them, what else could I have done? Another reason they gave was that I didn't seem to take initiative, or do things on my own. I don't know where that came from either. On many occasions I was the only one making snack or cleaning up snack or cleaning up toys, or staying late because one or two kid's parents were late. We all did it, we all shared responsibility. One other thing they said that I was fuming over was that I don't engage the children in activities. I'm wondering if they weren't just making these things up as they went along. My supervisor was rarely around to supervise, so how could he have seen me do any of these things? I actually stopped her in the middle of her list after she said that I wasn't engaging the children. "Now, I know that's not right." I said. I was told to be quiet until she was finished. I just wanted to scream - as far as I understood, no one in that room was my supervisor anymore and had no right to tell me what to do. I was so distressed when they were finished I just broke down. It was completely unfair. I helped the children in many activities. I played table hockey with them, I did crafts with them, beaded art, I taught them how to finger knit, I played tag with them outside. I still cannot believe that they were using that as an excuse for me not to work there anymore. I can admit freely that it's possible I needed to work on other areas, but not to the point that I was neglecting my duties. The children were always safe in my care and never got away with anything (Another reason they said I was "not a right fit" - the children thought they could get away with more while I was around. I think this was incorrectly observed. I know I didn't exactly catch the children the MOMENT they acted out, but when you're left in a room of 12-16 kids alone, you're bound to miss something.) I also mentioned that I had only found out about the meeting the day before. I was told "It was planned on Monday." "Okay..." "And you found out about it on Wednesday." "Yeah." I waited for her to explain, but apparently I wasn't getting an explanation. She had nothing to say on the matter, as if it was not important, and continued on with, well, leaving. I was furious, but what could I do? Nothing I said would matter, apparently.
As I said before, I had no indication anything was amiss. I felt alienated at my work, and on more than one occasion decisions were made without my knowledge. As you can imagine, this didn't turn out well when I had no idea what was going on but was expected to. Because it is often hectic in that environment, I couldn't always just pull someone aside and ask them questions. Not to mention the fact that two of the four staff - the two staff I was with 98% of the time - were not to be left alone with the kids because they were supportive staff and had to tend to their own kids. So if I was outside with the kids, and one had to go inside to use the washroom, it was too bad. I couldn't go in with them, and I couldn't send them in alone. I also couldn't send them in if one of the supportive staff were in there because they couldn't look after anyone but their one child. What was I to do? I was so frustrated, and I had planned to bring this all up at our staff meeting, but it turned out to be nothing more than doing paperwork any one person could have done in an afternoon. Time ran out, and I had to do the walk.
I think the main thing that bugs me is that I had absolutely no idea I needed to improve. Everyone can improve at their job, but if you're new, and have no training, how can you be expected to know everything right away? And master it, no less? Especially when you're not being told you could improve?
Needless to say, I've been losing sleep over this ordeal. I'll be out looking for work today. They offered me a subbing position, but considering the circumstances I don't think I'll be working for that company again any time soon.
The worst thing of all is I'll really miss the kids.
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